I took six weeks off from recording any gestures of NICE. I didn't mean for it to go this long, but here it is six weeks later and I now I am ready to write again about NICE.
I was hoping that being NICE had become a habit. Every day I thought about being nice. Sometimes I planned what I'd do (invite a friend to a movie) or just let the nice happen spontaneously. I didn't want to write about it, I just wanted to do it, to have it become part of my life. But as the weeks went on, I found starting thinking less and less about nice. And after I started thinking about it less, I did it less.
II thought I'd start writing about my experiences again because of what happened today.
I was taking my daily walk and as I walked through the corner gas station, I noticed an elegant older woman filling her tank. I really loved the pants she was wearing and at first wasn't going to say anything, but then I thought I'd be NICE and tell her how lovely she looked.
I turned around and told her that I really liked her outfit and the pants were especially gorgeous and looked so good on her. Her face just lit up and she said: "Today is my birthday and I'm on my way to a lunch with friends, and you just gave me my first birthday gift!" And that made ME feel great....so....
Thirty Days of Nice (Redux)
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Day 30 -- Where NICE Started
I "finished" my "thirty days of nice". Looking back at the things I did, big and small, I feel good. And I'm glad I have a record of it, for myself. I never feel like I do enough for others and often feel like a "bad" person. (It's a whole 'nother blog to deal with that), so it was great to write about handing out my daily gifts of nice. It's become a habit now and I will keep it up though won't write daily about it, not right now.
I was thinking about what inspired me and it was when a woman I'm acquainted with spoke about how she was frustrated with her 6-year-old son when because he wasn't doing his homework one night. He was preoccupied with something else, with what she thought was just goofing around, drawing pictures, and when she asked what he was up to, he told her he was creating little packets to give to the homeless people he had seen in the neighborhood! He put a dollar into a Baggie and included pictures he had drawn and a little note: "You are loved".... She was so amazed at his compassion and generosity and enjoyed seeing the reactions of the people he gave a Baggie to as they walked around the neighborhood with him the next day.
I thought, if a six-year-old can do this small act of kindness "done with great love" then I could and SHOULD as well. In whatever way I could manage. That's how I started...and what inspires me to continue.
I was thinking about what inspired me and it was when a woman I'm acquainted with spoke about how she was frustrated with her 6-year-old son when because he wasn't doing his homework one night. He was preoccupied with something else, with what she thought was just goofing around, drawing pictures, and when she asked what he was up to, he told her he was creating little packets to give to the homeless people he had seen in the neighborhood! He put a dollar into a Baggie and included pictures he had drawn and a little note: "You are loved".... She was so amazed at his compassion and generosity and enjoyed seeing the reactions of the people he gave a Baggie to as they walked around the neighborhood with him the next day.
I thought, if a six-year-old can do this small act of kindness "done with great love" then I could and SHOULD as well. In whatever way I could manage. That's how I started...and what inspires me to continue.
Friday, September 18, 2009
Day 26 thru 29 -- Being of Service
This was the weekend of Sue's memorial. It was a beautiful gathering, held under an apple tree overlooking Lake Champlain on a gorgeous Vermont day. I loved the sweet smell of the fallen apples on the ground and the birds chirping and bees buzzing around us. Sue would have LOVED this. Fifty people sat in chairs arranged in a circle and Winnie read a elegant, encompassing and moving tribute to Sue's life. A friend sang "Amazing Grace", her voice echoing over the lake. It was the celebration of her life she asked for.
Various people read her poetry, journal entries, and political commentaries. I read the poem about the heart-shaped rock and passed around the necklace which everyone enjoyed seeing (especially the ranger from Coolidge Park who came to the memorial). Anyone who wanted to, related a memory about Sue and it was wonderful to hear these stories and see Sue through other's eyes. Ernie created a DVD of photos and film of her life, accompanied with her favorite Beethoven piano concerto.
My goal for the weekend was to be of service in any way I could. To just be the NICEST I could be to everyone. Setting up, cleaning up, greeting guests, talking to people I didn't know to welcome them (something I'm not good at). I didn't wait to be asked to do something, I just tried to pitch in where ever I could. And I just "went with the flow" of things. And it was the exact right thing to do.
Various people read her poetry, journal entries, and political commentaries. I read the poem about the heart-shaped rock and passed around the necklace which everyone enjoyed seeing (especially the ranger from Coolidge Park who came to the memorial). Anyone who wanted to, related a memory about Sue and it was wonderful to hear these stories and see Sue through other's eyes. Ernie created a DVD of photos and film of her life, accompanied with her favorite Beethoven piano concerto.
My goal for the weekend was to be of service in any way I could. To just be the NICEST I could be to everyone. Setting up, cleaning up, greeting guests, talking to people I didn't know to welcome them (something I'm not good at). I didn't wait to be asked to do something, I just tried to pitch in where ever I could. And I just "went with the flow" of things. And it was the exact right thing to do.
Day 25 -- Take Your Time
I've been seeing a new hairstylist in Beverly Hills. He's trying to get new customers so he put certificates for a complimentary haircut in gift bags for an event I attended. I liked the haircut, especially the way he cut my bangs--hard to find someone who can cut them in the exact way I like--and I liked his fees which were lower than the typical BevHills salon.
The downside is that he's a bit of a flake. When I showed up for my appointment today, he had mistakenly double-booked the time and was running 40 minutes behind and asked if I could wait. In the past, this kind of timing mix-up would have irritated me to no end and I'd have let him know it. Even if I wasn't in a rush. But I knew he was struggling to get customers and he had given me a free haircut a few months before so I just took a deep breath, smiled and said "take your time." I didn't have any where I needed to be, parking was free for 2 hours, and there were a bunch of magazines on the rack that I hadn't read. It was no big deal to hang out.
Just as I sat down with a big pile of mags to wait, he told me he'd like to offer me a free glossing and conditioning treatment (and certificates for a free haircut for two friends) since I had been so NICE!
Day 24 -- Heart Song
Sue's memorial service will in the backyard common area overlooking Lake Champlain in Burlington, VT. It will be very casual and along with the eulogy written by her daughter, anyone who wants to say something will be able to.
I am reading through the illustrated handmade poetry books Sue had given to me over the years. She was VERY prolific. And I think I am going to read the poem she wrote about her summer camping in Coolidge State Park when she found a heart-shaped stone in a brook and had it made into a necklace.
Sue and I bonded over our mutual love for nature. Every time I took a walk and would see a feather or a perfect leaf on the ground I would think of Sue. Often I picked up the leaf or feather and made a card for Sue. I admired Sue for her ability to look at the same tree or mountain or lake or sunset and see something new each time. And I loved that she never stopped making art, up until her last months of life. For me, Sue's philosophy is encapsulated in one of my favorite lines she wrote: "...my shore sparkles with treasure where none had been before..."
I am going to wear the heart-shaped stone when I read her poetry and then pass it around at them memorial for everyone to see. That will be NICE.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Day 23 -- Sad Day
My mother-in-law passed away peacefully yesterday. She was an artist, poet, teacher, world traveler, humanitarian. She was almost 88 years old and lived each day to its fullest. She painted and wrote mostly about nature and one of my favorite lines: "...My shore sparkles with treasure where none had been before..." sums up her life philosophy for me. She could look at a bird or sunset or mountain or ocean wave and see something new every time.
For my 50th birthday she gave me one of her favorite sculptures (my favorite) called "Stargazer". It's a rough-hewn figure of a woman gazing skyward. She had it in her garden and now it is the centerpiece of mine. I see it every time I look out the window. I am going to have a NICE day today... she wanted her life to be remembered with celebration, not sadness, so I am going to honor that and go outside today and sit next to "Stargazer" and read Sue's poetry and reflect on her life, her work, her contributions and how the world is a better place because she was here.
For my 50th birthday she gave me one of her favorite sculptures (my favorite) called "Stargazer". It's a rough-hewn figure of a woman gazing skyward. She had it in her garden and now it is the centerpiece of mine. I see it every time I look out the window. I am going to have a NICE day today... she wanted her life to be remembered with celebration, not sadness, so I am going to honor that and go outside today and sit next to "Stargazer" and read Sue's poetry and reflect on her life, her work, her contributions and how the world is a better place because she was here.
Day 22 -- Recycle
I'm not too "green". I make really small efforts at conservation like turning out lights, running the dishwasher and washer/dryer only with a full load and at off hours, don't overwater the lawn or overuse the a/c. And. I. Recycle. Whoop-de-doooo!
I love doing my weekly tour of the house, putting old newspapers, boxes, magazines, bottles, junk mail, printer paper in the blue recycle bin. My mantra is "every little bit counts". A few months ago (before NICE started), I got a little indignant when I saw someone drive up with an old beat-up truck and go through my trash can and remove all the plastic bottles and aluminum cans. HOW DARE THEY TAKE MY TRASH !! (Key operative word: "trash") Then my neighbor (the one who knows everything that happens on the block) put out an email alert for everyone on the block to stop "these people" from taking trash from the cans. (Again, when you dispose of trash, does it matter who takes it? And it is going to be recycled, and by someone who probably needs the cash.) She was just concerned about potential crime...unknown persons regularly driving down the street might discern who is not home during the day or on vacation and that knowledge might invite a break-in. Seemed a reasonable request.
So I put all the "valuable" recycleables waaaay on the bottom of the can, with the "undesireable" newspapers, magazines, boxes, junk mail on the top, to discourage rummaging. However, this was not a deterrent. Early in the evening I heard cans clanking and came outside to politely ask the trash-stealers not to open our trash cans. Personal property, it's against the law...blah-blah-blah. They politely apologized and left. But the next week, a different truck came. Again I asked they cease and desist. They too nodded politely and drove off, but returned in the wee hours of the morning when everyone was asleep. Now I was steamed. And determined to "show them". I made a note that next trash day, I'd put the recycleables out at seven in the morning, right before trash pick-up!
Then I got some sense. What difference did it make who took our recycleables? My long-in-coming revelation was that the people who trolled the neighborhood recycle cans most likely NEEDED the money. It was hard, dirty work to collect bottles and cans for a refund of a few pennies. But for these people, perhaps a few pennies (times a hundred cans) might mean a hot meal for their family. Our city and state officials have mis-managed and wasted our funds and we're in such a deep debt that I thought "why should the irresponsible goverment get the profits from my bottles and cans? Why can't a poor, hard-working person, trying to feed a family in these tough times, have that cash instead?" AND, the recycleables are MINE...I paid the 5 cent fee on each one...and they are mine to dispose of how I pleased. And it pleased me that a needy person might take them for a refund instead of the screwed-up city.
Today I put keep the "valuable" bottles and cans in a separate bag, and put it on top of the blue can for easy, quiet access. That's NICE.
I love doing my weekly tour of the house, putting old newspapers, boxes, magazines, bottles, junk mail, printer paper in the blue recycle bin. My mantra is "every little bit counts". A few months ago (before NICE started), I got a little indignant when I saw someone drive up with an old beat-up truck and go through my trash can and remove all the plastic bottles and aluminum cans. HOW DARE THEY TAKE MY TRASH !! (Key operative word: "trash") Then my neighbor (the one who knows everything that happens on the block) put out an email alert for everyone on the block to stop "these people" from taking trash from the cans. (Again, when you dispose of trash, does it matter who takes it? And it is going to be recycled, and by someone who probably needs the cash.) She was just concerned about potential crime...unknown persons regularly driving down the street might discern who is not home during the day or on vacation and that knowledge might invite a break-in. Seemed a reasonable request.
So I put all the "valuable" recycleables waaaay on the bottom of the can, with the "undesireable" newspapers, magazines, boxes, junk mail on the top, to discourage rummaging. However, this was not a deterrent. Early in the evening I heard cans clanking and came outside to politely ask the trash-stealers not to open our trash cans. Personal property, it's against the law...blah-blah-blah. They politely apologized and left. But the next week, a different truck came. Again I asked they cease and desist. They too nodded politely and drove off, but returned in the wee hours of the morning when everyone was asleep. Now I was steamed. And determined to "show them". I made a note that next trash day, I'd put the recycleables out at seven in the morning, right before trash pick-up!
Then I got some sense. What difference did it make who took our recycleables? My long-in-coming revelation was that the people who trolled the neighborhood recycle cans most likely NEEDED the money. It was hard, dirty work to collect bottles and cans for a refund of a few pennies. But for these people, perhaps a few pennies (times a hundred cans) might mean a hot meal for their family. Our city and state officials have mis-managed and wasted our funds and we're in such a deep debt that I thought "why should the irresponsible goverment get the profits from my bottles and cans? Why can't a poor, hard-working person, trying to feed a family in these tough times, have that cash instead?" AND, the recycleables are MINE...I paid the 5 cent fee on each one...and they are mine to dispose of how I pleased. And it pleased me that a needy person might take them for a refund instead of the screwed-up city.
Today I put keep the "valuable" bottles and cans in a separate bag, and put it on top of the blue can for easy, quiet access. That's NICE.
Day 21 -- Yard Sale, Part 2
I helped at the yard sale. Unfortunately, she didn't advertise and the house isn't on a very busy street so the attendance was disappointingly low. She put me in charge of watching over the jewelry (easy for small things to "disappear") and gave me the OK to make whatever deal I could. She's in financial distress and just wanted to sell her stuff and get some quick cash. She had mostly costume pieces, but I noticed two gold rings (engagement-type ring, but with CZ and not real diamonds). I couldn't tell if they were 14kt or not (the inside marking was too small), but I thought they might be.
People come to yard sales and try to buy all the "junk" jewelry at one, low price, hoping there might be some gold in the lot. And gold re-sale is at an all-time high right now. A woman who zeroed right in on the rings wanted to give me $5 for each ring and my friend was going to let them go at that price (she just wanted to move the merchandise!), but I thought they might be worth more if sold to a gold dealer. I told her I would take them to a friend who has frequent "gold parties" and see if I could get more than $10 for the pair. If not, I would return them and she could sell them at her follow-up yard sale next Sunday. I could have just let the gold-savvy woman buy the rings at the offered price and not get further involved, or I could have purchased the rings myself in order to re-sell and make the profit, but I did the NICE (and ethical) thing and offered to sell the rings on her behalf. She was so happy at my suggestion.
I had my eye on pair of pretty sterling, onyx and marcasite earrings that were just my style so I offered her $15. (I knew she wouldn't be offered more at this yard particular sale and $15 was a more-than-fair price.) She totally surprised me and said she wanted me to have them as a gift for helping her! That was so NICE and I was very touched! As I said before, being NICE to others brings NICE back to you and I learned that today.
At home I discovered that the earrings perfectly match a bracelet I own but rarely wear because I have no earrings that work with it. I've been wearing my NICE, new earrings, with the bracelet, all day.
People come to yard sales and try to buy all the "junk" jewelry at one, low price, hoping there might be some gold in the lot. And gold re-sale is at an all-time high right now. A woman who zeroed right in on the rings wanted to give me $5 for each ring and my friend was going to let them go at that price (she just wanted to move the merchandise!), but I thought they might be worth more if sold to a gold dealer. I told her I would take them to a friend who has frequent "gold parties" and see if I could get more than $10 for the pair. If not, I would return them and she could sell them at her follow-up yard sale next Sunday. I could have just let the gold-savvy woman buy the rings at the offered price and not get further involved, or I could have purchased the rings myself in order to re-sell and make the profit, but I did the NICE (and ethical) thing and offered to sell the rings on her behalf. She was so happy at my suggestion.
I had my eye on pair of pretty sterling, onyx and marcasite earrings that were just my style so I offered her $15. (I knew she wouldn't be offered more at this yard particular sale and $15 was a more-than-fair price.) She totally surprised me and said she wanted me to have them as a gift for helping her! That was so NICE and I was very touched! As I said before, being NICE to others brings NICE back to you and I learned that today.
At home I discovered that the earrings perfectly match a bracelet I own but rarely wear because I have no earrings that work with it. I've been wearing my NICE, new earrings, with the bracelet, all day.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Day 20 -- Yard Sale
An acquaintance asked several women in a group I belong to for help with her yard sale tomorrow. I shocked myself when I immediately said "yes". My standard operating procedure is to quickly and automatically plead unavailability (usually with a made-up excuse), or if I do agree, I'll start thinking of ways to get out it. And if I can't get out of it I'll do it but feel resentful.
This woman is struggling. And her plight really moved me: due to the bad economy she's lost her business and her house and has to move in 30 days (the reason for the yard sale). I really wanted to help and I had no problem saying "yes" (Am I changing? Am I becoming NICE? Time will tell). All I know is she was so happy that I volunteered (no one else did) and I am really looking forward to tomorrow.
This woman is struggling. And her plight really moved me: due to the bad economy she's lost her business and her house and has to move in 30 days (the reason for the yard sale). I really wanted to help and I had no problem saying "yes" (Am I changing? Am I becoming NICE? Time will tell). All I know is she was so happy that I volunteered (no one else did) and I am really looking forward to tomorrow.
Day 19 -- September 11th
Today is the anniversary of 9-11 and the President has designated it a national day of recognition and service. A day to be NICE.
What I remember the most from that awful day and the weeks after is how this tragedy brought people together. People seemed to really go out of their way to be kind and be of service in whatever way they could. People tread delicately. Being more kind, patient, tender in their interactions than I'd ever seen. Everyone wanted to help.
I was moved as I watched the search and rescue dog teams sniff through the piles of debris, looking for survivors. I sent money to their organization. I gave blood. I attended fundraisers. I prayed. Everyone I knew was doing something--mostly on a small, personal scale, but some on a large scale. It opened my eyes to the beauty that can exist in the midst of horror.
What I remember the most from that awful day and the weeks after is how this tragedy brought people together. People seemed to really go out of their way to be kind and be of service in whatever way they could. People tread delicately. Being more kind, patient, tender in their interactions than I'd ever seen. Everyone wanted to help.
I was moved as I watched the search and rescue dog teams sniff through the piles of debris, looking for survivors. I sent money to their organization. I gave blood. I attended fundraisers. I prayed. Everyone I knew was doing something--mostly on a small, personal scale, but some on a large scale. It opened my eyes to the beauty that can exist in the midst of horror.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Day 18 -- Maybe I Ain't So Nice
A friend was in town on business and made a point to call me so we could get together sometime during her visit. I really appreciate her making the time to get in touch as I don't often do that when I'm in another city. I think it's because I get stressed trying to make plans with people when I'm not always sure of my activities/schedule when I'm traveling. I guess I find it easier (or I'm just lazy).
But, I really like this friend and it's always wonderful to get together and I really was looking forward to visiting, but we could never get our timing right.
I thought I was going out of town and when that was postponed she invited me to an impromptu dinner party. I accepted but the day didn't go so well, mainly because I was feeling out-of-sorts with continuing sinus problems and had been sneezing all day long. I took some Benedryl (which makes me sleepy) and we were dealing with some serious family issues as well so all I really wanted to do tonight was take a bath and go to bed.
As much as I wanted to see my friend, I canceled at the last minute (not very NICE). She's a wonderful person and understood my predicament and was so gracious and sympathetic (why I like her--she has a mellow attitude about such things) and said she'd call the next day to check on me (which she did---that was really NICE).
But, I really like this friend and it's always wonderful to get together and I really was looking forward to visiting, but we could never get our timing right.
I thought I was going out of town and when that was postponed she invited me to an impromptu dinner party. I accepted but the day didn't go so well, mainly because I was feeling out-of-sorts with continuing sinus problems and had been sneezing all day long. I took some Benedryl (which makes me sleepy) and we were dealing with some serious family issues as well so all I really wanted to do tonight was take a bath and go to bed.
As much as I wanted to see my friend, I canceled at the last minute (not very NICE). She's a wonderful person and understood my predicament and was so gracious and sympathetic (why I like her--she has a mellow attitude about such things) and said she'd call the next day to check on me (which she did---that was really NICE).
Day 17 -- Half Way
I'm at little past the half-way mark of THIRTY DAYS OF NICE and have learned that doing this daily is starting to instill in me a real desire to do something NICE each and every day. It's becoming a habit, a NICE habit. I start the day thinking "What can I do today to be NICE?"
Sometimes my acts of NICE will be something as simple as saying "hello" to a stranger, or letting someone go in front of me in the market, or remembering someone's birthday or anniversary with a card (so few people send cards nowadays and everyone likes to get mail). I am learning when you do something NICE, NICE comes back to you.
For instance, I was walking my dog the other day and brought along a dollar and a quarter to buy a soda at the corner gas station. When I got to the soda machine, I put the dollar in the machine, but realized I lost the quarter somewhere along the way.
Just then, a homeless man in a wheelchair (missing his left leg below the knee) rolled over and asked if I could spare and change. I told him that I didn't have any money with me; in fact, I couldn't even buy a soda for myself because I was 25 cents short. He handed me a quarter but I felt so bad that I said "No, no, I'll just get my dollar back and give that to you." He insisted I take his quarter-- "I want you to have your soda" so I took it and thanked him. He just wanted to be NICE.
Sometimes my acts of NICE will be something as simple as saying "hello" to a stranger, or letting someone go in front of me in the market, or remembering someone's birthday or anniversary with a card (so few people send cards nowadays and everyone likes to get mail). I am learning when you do something NICE, NICE comes back to you.
For instance, I was walking my dog the other day and brought along a dollar and a quarter to buy a soda at the corner gas station. When I got to the soda machine, I put the dollar in the machine, but realized I lost the quarter somewhere along the way.
Just then, a homeless man in a wheelchair (missing his left leg below the knee) rolled over and asked if I could spare and change. I told him that I didn't have any money with me; in fact, I couldn't even buy a soda for myself because I was 25 cents short. He handed me a quarter but I felt so bad that I said "No, no, I'll just get my dollar back and give that to you." He insisted I take his quarter-- "I want you to have your soda" so I took it and thanked him. He just wanted to be NICE.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Day 16 -- Buy The (Used) Book
I love to read and a book store is one of my favorite places to hang out. I've purchased so many books in my life that I had no more room on the bookshelves and had to double or triple-stack them and eventually pile on the floor.
About 10-12 years ago I decided not to purchase any more hardcover fiction. After I read a novel I (usually) don't pick it up again so it seemed a waste to display it on a shelf like a trophy. (Someday, perhaps I will invest in the new Kindle book reader.) For now, I borrow my novels from the library.
Occasionally, I will buy myself a book---reference or non-fiction mostly, though sometimes a brand-new novel I just can't wait to read (sometimes it takes 3 months to get a newly published novel from the library)--but for the most part, I like my slimmed down shelves.
About 10-12 years ago I decided not to purchase any more hardcover fiction. After I read a novel I (usually) don't pick it up again so it seemed a waste to display it on a shelf like a trophy. (Someday, perhaps I will invest in the new Kindle book reader.) For now, I borrow my novels from the library.
Occasionally, I will buy myself a book---reference or non-fiction mostly, though sometimes a brand-new novel I just can't wait to read (sometimes it takes 3 months to get a newly published novel from the library)--but for the most part, I like my slimmed down shelves.
I really want to de-clutter my life (a never-ending battle) so I donate books to the local branch of my library. They hold a big used book sale twice a year, so I go through all my books and thin-out my collection. I took four brown grocery bags to the library for their upcoming sale.
It was wonderful to clear out some of the clutter and display a few photos and mementos on the shelves instead of piles of read-once books. And it was NICE to help an organization make a little bit of money and help others to buy books inexpensively. The only "problem" is I know I will attend the library book sale in a few weeks and will buy a bunch of "new" used books (I can't help myself), thus re-cluttering my life! But in another six months I'll do another book purge and make another library donation. Only to buy more used books at the next sale. And so it goes...
Monday, September 7, 2009
Day 15 -- Food is Love
Got an e-mail from the neighbor who knows everyone and everything that's going on on our street. (No, she's not a busy-body, she's just a nice, friendly, giving person who is the go-to gal for info.) She organizes the Neighborhood Watch and the Annual Block Party and generally "keeps an eye on things" which we all appreciate. She sent out an e-mail that one of our older neighbors passed away. (He was in his 80s) and asked if people would bring food to his widow during the next few weeks.
I didn't really know them well, just enough to wave hello when I passed. We talked at the Annual Block Party and once, while walking my dogs, I stopped to admire their huge magnolia tree that was in full and fragrant bloom. They were getting out of their car and we had a nice conversation about the tree and how long they had lived there on the street.
I volunteered to make dinner that night.
I volunteered to make dinner that night.
I wondered what to make and decided that I could not go wrong with a "comfort food" so I made a big pot of pasta with a yummy sauce that included sun-dried tomatoes and romano cheese and brought it right over. I didn't call--the car was in the driveway--I know I should have, but sometimes it's easier for me to do a NICE thing if I don't think too much about it. If I don't stress over the details. If I just do it.
The widow opened the door and her face just lit up when I explained my mission. She was so thrilled and touched by this humble dinner I prepared and invited me in for a glass of iced-tea. Her daughter and grand-daughter were coming over and they would surely enjoy my pasta for dinner. I stayed for 30 minutes as she showed me their home and shared photographs and stories of her husband with me.
I volunteered for another night. I'm making my vegetable soup. I think that would be NICE.
Day 13 -- Money Always Works
Labor Day weekend and it's really hot, and the forest fires still burn and I'm not feeling great. I have a heat rash on my arms from working out/sweating in the heat, a sore throat which may or may not be due to the fires. And a headache. And cramps. Jeez, just decided to stay inside today and read the Sunday papers. But I did get out my credit card and made a donation to a good cause which was a NICE thing to do.
A friend is participating in the Avon 3-day Breast Cancer Walk so I sent her a contribution. Sending money to support an organization always makes me feel great and I wish I could donate more.
I know how hard it is to raise funds. I've participated in many charity events (including the Avon 3-day) and it was really hard for me to ask for contributions. Even though I know the money I collect is for a good cause and not "for me", I still don't like to ask (and especially in the current economy). I guess it's because I think I'm imposing on people and sometimes contributions are given just because the person knows me or would feel guilty if they didn't. (I know this because I have had those feelings several times myself when asked for a contribution).
I like to do fundraising events in connection with a milestone birthday. I started this when I was 25 and raised money for MS on a 2-day Bike-a-Thon. And I did that same MS ride for my 30th. For my 35th birthday, I participated in the Lung Association's 2-day Bike-a-Thon and raised money for anti-smoking education, and then for my 40th, I kicked it up a notch and walked in the Avon Breast Cancer 3-day Walk for the Cure (75 miles from Santa Barbara to Santa Monica California). On my 45th and 50th I raised money for SPCA/Humane Society to help homeless animals.
The Avon 3-day walk was really tough. Not only to raise the minimum funds to participate (2 nights of camping, food, and organization of the event had to be completely covered so there would be a big chunk of money for the cause); but the walk itself was VERY hard. Twenty-five miles a day for 3 days. I "trained" by walking about 3 miles a day (maybe a 5-mile on weekends). I thought I was young and healthy enough not to need more than that (NOT!..longer training walks are really recommended).
The walk was grueling and I kept hydrated and had my feet and toes covered in the correct socks and anti-blister ointments and though I finished the walk, I got a bad blister which eventually got infected and landed me in the ER a few days later. Yikes.
Overall, it was a very good experience and I enjoyed doing it; however, I don't think I'd do it again. The next few years I "just" sent a check, because donating money is always NICE.
A friend is participating in the Avon 3-day Breast Cancer Walk so I sent her a contribution. Sending money to support an organization always makes me feel great and I wish I could donate more.
I know how hard it is to raise funds. I've participated in many charity events (including the Avon 3-day) and it was really hard for me to ask for contributions. Even though I know the money I collect is for a good cause and not "for me", I still don't like to ask (and especially in the current economy). I guess it's because I think I'm imposing on people and sometimes contributions are given just because the person knows me or would feel guilty if they didn't. (I know this because I have had those feelings several times myself when asked for a contribution).
I like to do fundraising events in connection with a milestone birthday. I started this when I was 25 and raised money for MS on a 2-day Bike-a-Thon. And I did that same MS ride for my 30th. For my 35th birthday, I participated in the Lung Association's 2-day Bike-a-Thon and raised money for anti-smoking education, and then for my 40th, I kicked it up a notch and walked in the Avon Breast Cancer 3-day Walk for the Cure (75 miles from Santa Barbara to Santa Monica California). On my 45th and 50th I raised money for SPCA/Humane Society to help homeless animals.
The Avon 3-day walk was really tough. Not only to raise the minimum funds to participate (2 nights of camping, food, and organization of the event had to be completely covered so there would be a big chunk of money for the cause); but the walk itself was VERY hard. Twenty-five miles a day for 3 days. I "trained" by walking about 3 miles a day (maybe a 5-mile on weekends). I thought I was young and healthy enough not to need more than that (NOT!..longer training walks are really recommended).
The walk was grueling and I kept hydrated and had my feet and toes covered in the correct socks and anti-blister ointments and though I finished the walk, I got a bad blister which eventually got infected and landed me in the ER a few days later. Yikes.
Overall, it was a very good experience and I enjoyed doing it; however, I don't think I'd do it again. The next few years I "just" sent a check, because donating money is always NICE.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Day 12 -- Am I Doing Enough?
I'm acquainted with a beautiful, courageous woman who started a charity a few years ago. She's mentioned it many times in the group we both belong to but I did not know what a big deal it was until I saw her in a magazine photo, hosting a fundraiser and surrounded by celebrity friends. I read about her in the magazine, how she was suddenly moved to be of service in this big, passionate way and quit her job to start the charity. I had a twinge of embarrassment because I had mentioned to the group a few weeks ago about my "Thirty Days of Nice" plan and she smiled along with every one else as someone mentioned what a "cute" idea it was.
After I learned about her charity work: she raises money for women in an African country and just built a school there for girls, I felt my "cute" idea was pretty pathetic compared to what she's doing for the world. I got that old feeling of "you're not doing enough" which I think has been a stumbling block for me my whole life. I think because I don't do humanitarian work on a large scale, I'm not really doing anything. I wanted to stop my 30-day plan because, after all, I'm not making a difference, not like she is.
But I will continue because I do believe what Mother Teresa said: If you can't feed the world, feed one person. That really resonated with me. And I am coming to believe that my small acts of kindness are just as important as the big ones. Sure, I'd LOVE to be a philanthropist. I think I'd be great at giving away huge amounts of money. Perhaps someday, an opportunity will present itself in which I can be of service on a larger scale and I can contribute more money to more organizations. But for right now, I am going to continue with my plan and do some small, NICE each day.
Friday, September 4, 2009
Day 11 -- Lose For Good
Weight Watchers (WW) is the program I follow in which I lost 25 pounds. I attend meetings and have been maintaining that weight loss for six months. WW sponsors an annual "Lose For Good" Campaign which has the double meaning of keeping weight off for life ("for good") and losing weight to help a cause ("for good"). It's taking care of yourself while taking care of the neighborhood.
Last year was the inaugural campaign. WW donated money (based on the collective weight loss of members) to two charities dedicated to fighting hunger. FOUR MILLION POUNDS were collectively shed by WW members in a SIX-WEEK PERIOD! Wow, that's a lot of fat! WW then donated $1 million to "Share our Strength" and "Action Against Hunger". The money helped feed and save the lives of 6,000 children.
On the local level, WW established over 2,000 local food drives around the country and asked members to contribute canned goods. In that six-week period, WW members collected and donated 1.5 million pounds of food! The "Lose For Good" concept was/is to contribute the amount of pounds in canned goods that you have lost. (Of course, more can be donated!). Last year I donated 20 pounds of food and this year it's 25. We collect it in big barrels at our WW center and donate it to the Westside Food Bank in Culver City, California which is literally down the street from our WW center.
I love doing this. My personal connection to this is that I chose foods and brands to donate that I eat myself. For charity food drives in the past, I have been wont to donate foods I don't like or purchase what's on sale or shop in the "dented cans" aisle. With "Lose For Good" I only wanted to contribute good, healthy food, that I eat as well: :albacore tuna, peanut butter, fat-free chili and soups, whole wheat pasta and brown rice, canned tomatoes, pineapple, green beans and vegetarian baked beans.
Last year, my particular WW group was at or near the top of the individual group's contribution of food. We were featured in the local paper, so my leader is determined to increase our contribution this year. The motto is "One More Pound"...of weight lost and one more pound of food contributed.
Our group has also been invited to the Westside Food Bank after the end of the campaign to help sort and box food for families. To see where our contributions went and how they are distributed which will be satisfying to experience.
Why not Google your local food bank and see what you can contribute. Food drives often happen around the holidays, but hunger is a year-round problem! It was estimated that there are 1.1 million UNDERFED people in the world as well as 1.1 billion OVERWEIGHT people. Donating good, nutritious food (especially protein) to your local food bank helps with both issues:
"Together we'll lose and together we'll gain
Together we'll make the world a healthier and more balanced place."
That's NICE.
Last year was the inaugural campaign. WW donated money (based on the collective weight loss of members) to two charities dedicated to fighting hunger. FOUR MILLION POUNDS were collectively shed by WW members in a SIX-WEEK PERIOD! Wow, that's a lot of fat! WW then donated $1 million to "Share our Strength" and "Action Against Hunger". The money helped feed and save the lives of 6,000 children.
On the local level, WW established over 2,000 local food drives around the country and asked members to contribute canned goods. In that six-week period, WW members collected and donated 1.5 million pounds of food! The "Lose For Good" concept was/is to contribute the amount of pounds in canned goods that you have lost. (Of course, more can be donated!). Last year I donated 20 pounds of food and this year it's 25. We collect it in big barrels at our WW center and donate it to the Westside Food Bank in Culver City, California which is literally down the street from our WW center.
I love doing this. My personal connection to this is that I chose foods and brands to donate that I eat myself. For charity food drives in the past, I have been wont to donate foods I don't like or purchase what's on sale or shop in the "dented cans" aisle. With "Lose For Good" I only wanted to contribute good, healthy food, that I eat as well: :albacore tuna, peanut butter, fat-free chili and soups, whole wheat pasta and brown rice, canned tomatoes, pineapple, green beans and vegetarian baked beans.
Last year, my particular WW group was at or near the top of the individual group's contribution of food. We were featured in the local paper, so my leader is determined to increase our contribution this year. The motto is "One More Pound"...of weight lost and one more pound of food contributed.
Our group has also been invited to the Westside Food Bank after the end of the campaign to help sort and box food for families. To see where our contributions went and how they are distributed which will be satisfying to experience.
Why not Google your local food bank and see what you can contribute. Food drives often happen around the holidays, but hunger is a year-round problem! It was estimated that there are 1.1 million UNDERFED people in the world as well as 1.1 billion OVERWEIGHT people. Donating good, nutritious food (especially protein) to your local food bank helps with both issues:
"Together we'll lose and together we'll gain
Together we'll make the world a healthier and more balanced place."
That's NICE.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Day 10 -- Correspondence Course, the Sequel
September is a month for celebrations: seven birthdays, four anniversaries, and one big fancy-pants, black-tie wedding, so I spent a second afternoon sending out cards with congrats and best wishes. (And I returned the wedding RSVP, which I learned from my own wedding experiences, many invitees fail to do....definitely not NICE)
One September anniversary is my parent's 52nd. For their 50th, I created three huge scrapbooks with photos and mementos of their lives. Not just their 50 years together, but growing up too. Mom sent me boxes of photos (and slides--ugh, had to get them made into pictures--pricey) and while a lot of the photos had the dates/event/people listed on the back, many were not in any order and I had to make some guesses on chronology.
I sorted and edited the photos, planned the layouts, bought all the materials. It was heaven because I love to scrapbook. Mom and Dad were really thrilled to have the books, which I presented at their anniversary party. But it was a lot of work and kind of burned me out on the whole scrapping thing for awhile.
I have some gift-giving immunity because of the scrapbook success, so lately, I've been sending them food gifts (no, not Fruit-of-the-Month-Club, fer chrissake!). Sometimes bake them treats (macaroons for dad who likes coconut and brownies for Mom.) They love to eat and since both of them are of German heritage I had a brilliant idea to send them a "tasty pastry from their past" ... a German stollen. From the Ya-Hoo Bakery in Sherman, Texas (what do Texans know about German pastries? We'll find out when it arrives in 5 days.)
For the uninitiated, a stollen is basically a fruitcake, only more bread-y and less cake-y nor sweet as the traditional candied fruitcake. Both have raisins and nuts and are usually baked only at Christmas time. This popular Christmas treat originated in Dresden, Germany in homage to the newborn Jesus--the stollen is liberally sprinkled with powdered sugar to suggest a baby wrapped in a blanket.
My mom used to make her own fruitcake back in the day. Baked a dozen or so as Christmas gifts for friends and neighbors. And believe it or not, contrary to the conventional wisdom regarding the fruitcake genre, mom's cakes were really, really good. I have never liked the taste of any other fruitcake. So much better than the crappy, gummy kind in the tin.
She made the tasty cakes late October and it was quite a production. So many ingredients were involved (all of which got too expensive so she stopped production decades ago). Each cake was as heavy as a brick and she stored them in the pantry closet, wrapped in rum-soaked cheese cloth to "cure" (I guess that's the word) over the long weeks leading up to the holidays.
So, good luck in trying to find a German stollen in Los Angeles in September. I called several German bakeries in the LA area. No one starts baking stollen until October. Trader Joe's stocks them, starting in November. No worries...that's why God invented the internet....With two clicks I found Ya-Hoo Bakery and they bake stollen (and fruitcake too) ALL YEAR 'ROUND!
I ordered the "King Stollen" which looked so pretty and powdered in the photo and appeared to be a lighter alternative to their "old school" stollen which is packed crust-to-crumbs with candied fruits and nuts and a rich almond nougat filling (marzipan). The King uses dried apricots instead of raisins which sounded delicious though somewhat blasphemous!
Yvonne took my order and we chatted about her preference and Yvonne told me to "definitely go with the King." So I went with the King. However, that night I had buyer's remorse. Second-guessing myself. Perhaps I shouldn't have strayed from tradition. My family doesn't take kindly to culinary risks. But what the hey, it's on it's way.
And even if Ya-Hoo Bakery's authentic German stollen doesn't pass the taste-test, I know mom and dad will think it was a NICE thing to do anyway.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Day 9 -- Correspondence Course
Spent the afternoon "catching up on my correspondence", as they used to say back in the day. No emails, Facebook posts, tweets today... just wrote notes out the old-fashioned way--with ink, paper and postage stamps. I sent out thank-yous...to a friend for treating me to a lovely lunch, to my sister-in-law for her many acts of generosity, to another friend for sending me a package of articles on subjects I like. Also sent a handmade birthday card to my sister and a handmade get-well card to my mother-in-law who is in the hospital.
I have always loved to send letters, cards and notes. I love the whole process of correspondence. Selecting paper/card (or esp. making a card), thinking about what I want to say (never just signing my name), looking through my collection of postage stamps for the "right" one to affix to the envelope. I've never found it to be a chore. (Actual talking to people in person is harder for me).
And I like to send thank-you notes not only for obvious gifts received (birthday or Christmas present) but to acknowledge emotional gifts. Acts of kindness shown me. I recently sent out thank-you notes to everyone who attended my 50th birthday party. And thank-yous to everyone who made a donation to the small, personal fundraiser I was involved in. Sometimes I send thank-yous to companies to commend their service or to praise an employee. It's so easy (for me) to complain and rarely do I take the time out to praise. And I want to do more of that. People like getting a written thank-you. I know I do when one arrives in my mailbox. It's a NICE thing to do.
I have always loved to send letters, cards and notes. I love the whole process of correspondence. Selecting paper/card (or esp. making a card), thinking about what I want to say (never just signing my name), looking through my collection of postage stamps for the "right" one to affix to the envelope. I've never found it to be a chore. (Actual talking to people in person is harder for me).
And I like to send thank-you notes not only for obvious gifts received (birthday or Christmas present) but to acknowledge emotional gifts. Acts of kindness shown me. I recently sent out thank-you notes to everyone who attended my 50th birthday party. And thank-yous to everyone who made a donation to the small, personal fundraiser I was involved in. Sometimes I send thank-yous to companies to commend their service or to praise an employee. It's so easy (for me) to complain and rarely do I take the time out to praise. And I want to do more of that. People like getting a written thank-you. I know I do when one arrives in my mailbox. It's a NICE thing to do.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Day 8 -- Mi Casa
My husband invited the son of his best friend to stay a few nights with us. He was in town to check out grad schools and his accomodations fell through at the last minute so my darling hubby invited him to stay with us. This was at 8 pm and the "kid" was coming around 11. Some notice, please!
We have a small house, with no "real" guest room. The spare room is my office and though there's a pull-out sofa bed, we don't use it often so the sofa winds up as a "spare table" for my many papers, projects, and miscellaneous clutter. It's MY room and I don't give it up willingly.
And usually my husband is worse than me when it comes to sleep-over guests. (He actually wanted to buy a front door mat imprinted with "Go Away!" though I put the ki-bosh on that.) Truth be told, neither of us really likes overnight guests, but a kid should be able to call up his parent's friends for last-minute hospitality. It's in the rulebook. So after a few minutes of silent pouting, I did the NICE thing and went into my inner sanctum, put all my "sofa papers" in a box, unfolded the bed, put on fresh sheets, laid out clean towels, put out a few bottles of water along with the instructions on how to use the cable remote.
When Michael got here, I made him a snack of grilled cheese sandwiches. The next morning my husband made his famous waffles for breakfast and I was happy for Michael to join us for dinner that night. And the next. He turned out to be a really wonderful guest. A smart and sensitive young man who had similar interests so the conversation was fun. Great to be around that "anything's possible" energy of youth! And I was sad to see him leave. Who woulda thunk!?
We have a small house, with no "real" guest room. The spare room is my office and though there's a pull-out sofa bed, we don't use it often so the sofa winds up as a "spare table" for my many papers, projects, and miscellaneous clutter. It's MY room and I don't give it up willingly.
And usually my husband is worse than me when it comes to sleep-over guests. (He actually wanted to buy a front door mat imprinted with "Go Away!" though I put the ki-bosh on that.) Truth be told, neither of us really likes overnight guests, but a kid should be able to call up his parent's friends for last-minute hospitality. It's in the rulebook. So after a few minutes of silent pouting, I did the NICE thing and went into my inner sanctum, put all my "sofa papers" in a box, unfolded the bed, put on fresh sheets, laid out clean towels, put out a few bottles of water along with the instructions on how to use the cable remote.
When Michael got here, I made him a snack of grilled cheese sandwiches. The next morning my husband made his famous waffles for breakfast and I was happy for Michael to join us for dinner that night. And the next. He turned out to be a really wonderful guest. A smart and sensitive young man who had similar interests so the conversation was fun. Great to be around that "anything's possible" energy of youth! And I was sad to see him leave. Who woulda thunk!?
Day 7 -- Eye See You
Well, yesterday was just one of "those days" that the best I could muster in being NICE was just to make eye contact with everyone I passed on my walk this morning and say "hello".
I know, making eye contact should be Standard Operating Procedure for Human Beings, but you'd be surprised how many people (including me, especially me), don't make this simple connection with others. I just like to be in my own world; walk with my eyes straight ahead, focusing on my thoughts, my "to do" lists, listen to music. It's so easy to "tune out" when you have earphones on...it somehow makes it acceptable to ignore the rest of the world when you're plugged in.
So yesterday I tried to connect with everyone I passed in some way. Some people responded with a return smile, some said "hello", while others stayed in their own world and kept walking. Some folks stopped and we talked for a few moments. What a beautiful little action that makes a big difference! A smile, a friendly "hello". It can be the highlight of someone's day, can shift someone's attitude and put them in a better mood (it really helped mine) so I am going to try to keep this up.
I know, making eye contact should be Standard Operating Procedure for Human Beings, but you'd be surprised how many people (including me, especially me), don't make this simple connection with others. I just like to be in my own world; walk with my eyes straight ahead, focusing on my thoughts, my "to do" lists, listen to music. It's so easy to "tune out" when you have earphones on...it somehow makes it acceptable to ignore the rest of the world when you're plugged in.
So yesterday I tried to connect with everyone I passed in some way. Some people responded with a return smile, some said "hello", while others stayed in their own world and kept walking. Some folks stopped and we talked for a few moments. What a beautiful little action that makes a big difference! A smile, a friendly "hello". It can be the highlight of someone's day, can shift someone's attitude and put them in a better mood (it really helped mine) so I am going to try to keep this up.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Day 6 -- Movie Treat
I love going to the movies. I used to go to over 100 a year, even more when I was a film student. This year? I've been to TWELVE! That's it. Twelve movies. Most of the movies released this year have not interested me much.
I love going to the movies by myself. It doesn't bother me one bit to go alone. In fact, I prefer it. No one to coordinate times with, no one late making me miss the previews, no discussion on where to sit, no one hating the movie and wanting to leave when the other people are enjoying it....you get the picture. But then again, if I see a movie that's wonderful, has moved me, or has made me angry and I really want to discuss it...there's no one to share with.
JULIE & JULIA came out a few weeks ago and I wanted to see it badly. But (shock!) I didn't want to see it alone. So yesterday I called up a half dozen friends to join me -- my treat -- at the matinee today. Three said "yes".
I got there early to buy the tickets because I really did want to treat and didn't want to take the chance someone would buy her ticket if she arrived before me. Everyone showed up on time and the theater wasn't crowded, so we had perfect seats. I got popcorn and Diet Coke for everyone too! I surprised myself that I treated three friends to the movies because I am admittedly cheap in that regard and will take someone if it's their birthday or if they're broke or some other reason than "just 'cause I want to!" But it was so worth it. The movie was delightful and we all enjoyed Meryl Streep's acting and Julia Child's passion for life and food. Some of us even teared up on a few scenes. We talked about the movie afterwards and it was NICE to share the experience.
I love going to the movies by myself. It doesn't bother me one bit to go alone. In fact, I prefer it. No one to coordinate times with, no one late making me miss the previews, no discussion on where to sit, no one hating the movie and wanting to leave when the other people are enjoying it....you get the picture. But then again, if I see a movie that's wonderful, has moved me, or has made me angry and I really want to discuss it...there's no one to share with.
JULIE & JULIA came out a few weeks ago and I wanted to see it badly. But (shock!) I didn't want to see it alone. So yesterday I called up a half dozen friends to join me -- my treat -- at the matinee today. Three said "yes".
I got there early to buy the tickets because I really did want to treat and didn't want to take the chance someone would buy her ticket if she arrived before me. Everyone showed up on time and the theater wasn't crowded, so we had perfect seats. I got popcorn and Diet Coke for everyone too! I surprised myself that I treated three friends to the movies because I am admittedly cheap in that regard and will take someone if it's their birthday or if they're broke or some other reason than "just 'cause I want to!" But it was so worth it. The movie was delightful and we all enjoyed Meryl Streep's acting and Julia Child's passion for life and food. Some of us even teared up on a few scenes. We talked about the movie afterwards and it was NICE to share the experience.
Day 5 -- Just a Bite
Since I lost 25 pounds last year, one thing I don't do any more is eat desserts or sweets that I do not like. I am not going to give up chocolate forever, and on the plan I follow, I don't have to, just need to watch the portion size. So if I'm only going to get a small portion of something, it's gotta be good!
For instance, my sister-in-law returned from Switzerland and brought me a (very) small box of a special Swiss chocolate that can be purchased in only one shop in Zurich. I had one piece every day, which, as it turned out, was all I needed. I was amazed how that one daily piece melted slowly on my tongue and filled my mouth with such a delicious, delicate chocolate flavor. I didn't "need" more than that one piece (OK, once I had TWO pieces!) But I am someone who is used to the chocolate quality of Hershey's Kisses and M&Ms so I never before knew the difference between crummy chocolate and the gourmet stuff! Believe me, there's a BIG difference!
I was at a meeting yesterday and someone had made a very lovely-looking chocolate tart. She was proud that it was organic, vegan, gluten and sugar free, and had other really healthy components that I cannot recall. It looked gorgeously yummy--coated in melted dark chocolate which I love and is good for you, so I thought, "how bad could this be?" Pretty bad. Ugh. Ultra sweet and dense and very grainy for some reason and after one teeny-weeny bite I wanted to put it aside, and move quickly onto something good. But there it was on my plate, a deceitful little wedge of foul-tasting goodness and the lovely chef was standing right in front of me wanting to know what I thought.
I know from making my own cakes, cookies and muffins that I want people to eat my homemade treats and it makes me especially happy when told how much it was enjoyed; so I told the chocolate tart's creator that it was fantastic and wasn't she a genius for making something so sinfully delicious AND so darn healthy! She just beamed. And that made me feel good. So yes, I ate it...all of it...very, very, verrry slowly. And the dessert I really wanted...cheesecake....would have to wait for another night, when I wasn't being so damn NICE.
For instance, my sister-in-law returned from Switzerland and brought me a (very) small box of a special Swiss chocolate that can be purchased in only one shop in Zurich. I had one piece every day, which, as it turned out, was all I needed. I was amazed how that one daily piece melted slowly on my tongue and filled my mouth with such a delicious, delicate chocolate flavor. I didn't "need" more than that one piece (OK, once I had TWO pieces!) But I am someone who is used to the chocolate quality of Hershey's Kisses and M&Ms so I never before knew the difference between crummy chocolate and the gourmet stuff! Believe me, there's a BIG difference!
I was at a meeting yesterday and someone had made a very lovely-looking chocolate tart. She was proud that it was organic, vegan, gluten and sugar free, and had other really healthy components that I cannot recall. It looked gorgeously yummy--coated in melted dark chocolate which I love and is good for you, so I thought, "how bad could this be?" Pretty bad. Ugh. Ultra sweet and dense and very grainy for some reason and after one teeny-weeny bite I wanted to put it aside, and move quickly onto something good. But there it was on my plate, a deceitful little wedge of foul-tasting goodness and the lovely chef was standing right in front of me wanting to know what I thought.
I know from making my own cakes, cookies and muffins that I want people to eat my homemade treats and it makes me especially happy when told how much it was enjoyed; so I told the chocolate tart's creator that it was fantastic and wasn't she a genius for making something so sinfully delicious AND so darn healthy! She just beamed. And that made me feel good. So yes, I ate it...all of it...very, very, verrry slowly. And the dessert I really wanted...cheesecake....would have to wait for another night, when I wasn't being so damn NICE.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Day 4 -- The Kibble/Koupon Konnection
I was out of dry dog food so off I went to the pet store to get my designer dog kibble. Very healthy but kind of pricey so I ALWAYS bring along the store's monthly coupon for 20% discount. I'm mean and cheap, what can I say, but every little bit helps, right?
I used to go to the pet store once a month when I had two dogs, but now I have only one and she's a very light eater, so I don't make it to the dog store as often. When I do, I take my dog along on a "field trip" as she likes to peruse the many aisles, sniffing the dog treats and toys and meeting up with other doggies on the same mission.
As one of the employees brought the heavy bag to the cash register and I waited to pay, I overheard the conversation at the register next to mine. The (cute, male) customer said he had not received his August flyer with the 20% coupon, and he needed to buy kibble and would they just let him use last month's coupon? He wanted to buy the same kibble as me (so the coupon would be about a $12 savings), but the cashier said he had to present the current coupon for the discount... (never mind that this store always has coupons available!...sent in the mail with their monthly newsletter, as well as each week with the Sunday newspaper supplement...it wasn't like it was a once-a-year sale! Jeez!) Still, the cashier said "no", but suggested that the customer purchase the dog food at the regular price, bring back his receipt with a valid coupon, and they would refund the difference (This has happened to me before so I know what a hassle that would be.)
He was very nice to the cashier and said that he'd just come back when he got the coupon and today he'd buy the smallest bag to tide him over. But I had EXTRA coupons so I pulled one out of my purse and handed it to him. The look of happy surprise that came to his face was a real treat to see. He happily bought his big bag of (discounted) kibble and waved to me on the way out. My new BFF.
Day 3 -- Mommy and Me
My mother and I differ on political issues. She's in her 70s and very passionate about what she believes in. I think passion is a great thing, but when politics creeps into our convo, it always ends with my explaining the choices I made and her getting so upset with "people like me" and why the U.S. of A. is "not the great nation it once was" and is on its way to hell in a hand basket. We very often end up yelling. No Socratic Method for us!
My NICE act for today, though I had no idea I was going to do this, was to let her just vent her anger, for as long and as loud as she desired. I switched my POV to the idea that her anger was not aimed at me, but at her inability to "do" anything about what she sees as an awful situation. I did not defend, I listened. Neither agreed nor disagreed, just let her get it out. Adding an "uh-huh" now and again to prove I was still there and ended with the suggestion she might try to DO some small act(s) that will help her particular causes and that would especially help her disposition: "Light a candle, instead of cursing the darkness." Isn't it better to wake up with joy than with anger at the world?
Mom has a great computer but doesn't like to use it. I suggested she learn how to navigate the internet through the free classes offered at her community, and find ways to channel her anger into something positive. No one can do it for her. If she really is passionate, write letters, make calls, contribute money, attend meetings, support your candidates in a concrete way...in other works DO SOME SMALL THING. It will feel perhaps that little actions won't change the world, but that is how EVERYTHING STARTS.
Maybe my decision not to defend myself sounds "doormat-y", but after we hung up I felt BETTER than I have ever felt at the end of one of our political "debates" . Pretty calm and OK with not feeling like I HAD to be right, or proving why she was wrong in HER thinking. A wise person said to me recently: "You have to choose the hill you want to die on". And this was no longer that hill.
Perhaps this is more of a NICE thing I did for myself... Giving up that particular fight, because I felt so good surrendering...but I like to think I gave my mom something as well.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Day 2 -- Parking Pass
The movie theater I frequent allows for 3 hours of free parking. Since most movies are 2 hours, and this particular chain shows 20+ minutes of previews AND commercials; then adding in arrival, parking and walking to theatre and the return trip I need at least another 30 minutes, so I rarely get in "under the wire" for the free parking. (Sure, it's "only" $3 for an additional 3 hours, but I feel like it costs enough to see a movie and buy popcorn that I don't want to pay a penny more to park.)
There's a grocery store in this mall that will give you a pass for an additional hour of free parking if you make a purchase. I always need something at the market, so if I think am going to go over the 3 hour free parking limit, I shop for a few items and get a free additional hour pass. A few times I have received the free pass and wound up not needing it, so I just keep them in my wallet "for the next time".
I went to a matinee today and upon returning to the parking lot I realized I had only 8 minutes to exit. I hurried by the machine customers use to pre-pay parking when they are over the 3 hours and there was an older woman standing there with her parking ticket out, reading the instructions on the machine, looking very bewildered by all. I saw her catch my eye, but inside my brain I was thinking "hurry hurry to your car, you have only 8 minutes to exit! Hurry!" But when she asked if I knew how the machine worked. So I stopped and cheerfully took her parking ticket, put it into the machine and showed her that she was over the free period and would owe $3.00.
She thanked me as she got her wallet out, asking me where the money goes. So I thought this was my moment to be NICE today and I'd give her one of my free passes. I pulled one out of my wallet, slid it into the validation machine, saying "it's on me". (Actually, "it's on the grocery store" but know what I mean.) I don't know if she was rich or poor but she seemed so amazed someone would "treat" her to parking. Her face lit up and she was so happy and thanked me profusely. I said it was "my pleasure", skedaddled off to my car and exited the garage....with 2 minutes to spare.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Day 1 -- Handmade Card
Today was a friend's birthday. She didn't want gifts (who makes/takes that request seriously). What I think she meant was "no cheap gifts". Duh. At this point in our lives, we've all received our share of miscellaneous candles, bath soaps, vases to clutter up our closets for the rest of our lives.
Wow. Harsh. See how mean I can be? Why can't I just accept a gift in the spirit it was given? Be it a $3 candle or a $300 necklace (haven't received many of those BTW!) Certainly that's the way I'd want the recipient of my miscellaneous crappy gift to accept it (and believe me, I've given quite a few crappy gifts myself!)
I love crafting. Give me a glue gun and a tube of glitter and it's better than Christmas morning. I've loved to make gifts since I was a little girl hand sewing felt ornaments for the Christmas craft boutique at my school. I wasn't the most original designer, nor were my cutting and gluing too precise (I mean, they LOOKED handmade, by a 8 year old), but I loved doing it. And I think that love came through.
So out came my hot glue gun, ribbon scraps, pieces of patterned paper and press-on lettering. It took about 30 minutes to complete my creation and it turned out really nice. (The main feature of the card was a little 3-D embellishment of a birthday cake, the candles actually lit up when you pressed a small button (love technology!)) My friend actually loves handmade cards too, so I knew I was doing something NICE, suited for a particular person.
I gave it to her today. At a lunch party for 8. It was passed around and admired and when it came back to her she said "these are the kinds of gifts that mean the most to me. Ones that a person has spent time and thought in making." It felt as if I had gave her something shiny from Tiffany's! Of course, doing something NICE made me feel pretty dang good too. I know that's not why I am doing this....or is it? Hmm, got to think about that...
Monday, August 24, 2009
WHAT THE WHAT?
OK, I need to say it here, say it somewhere. Anonymously.
I am not a "nice" person. Not really, not deep, deep down in the marrow of my bones. No, I don't torture puppies or anything like that, it's just sort of a creeping malady, tacked on to the low-grade depression I've had all my life. I use complaining as conversation, and think it hip to describe the world as going to hell in a hand basket. Not only do I see the glass as half-empty, but it's left a large water ring on the table. Pleased to meet ya!
People will say that I am a nice person, generous of spirit, you might too if you met me. But it's really about how I think and I decided to do something about it. See if I can change some of those old brain patterns.
I'm calling my experiment "Thirty Days of Nice" (Not 30 days of Nice, as in France, though it would sure would be nice to be in Nice for 30 days). Every day I will do something, anonymously, for someone. Something small (maybe something big, who knows), but definitely something "nice". To see if with some daily conditioning, I might be able to morph into that naturally nice person people assume I am. So here goes. Who's with me?
I am not a "nice" person. Not really, not deep, deep down in the marrow of my bones. No, I don't torture puppies or anything like that, it's just sort of a creeping malady, tacked on to the low-grade depression I've had all my life. I use complaining as conversation, and think it hip to describe the world as going to hell in a hand basket. Not only do I see the glass as half-empty, but it's left a large water ring on the table. Pleased to meet ya!
People will say that I am a nice person, generous of spirit, you might too if you met me. But it's really about how I think and I decided to do something about it. See if I can change some of those old brain patterns.
I'm calling my experiment "Thirty Days of Nice" (Not 30 days of Nice, as in France, though it would sure would be nice to be in Nice for 30 days). Every day I will do something, anonymously, for someone. Something small (maybe something big, who knows), but definitely something "nice". To see if with some daily conditioning, I might be able to morph into that naturally nice person people assume I am. So here goes. Who's with me?
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
