Day 3 -- Mommy and Me

My mother and I differ on political issues. She's in her 70s and very passionate about what she believes in. I think passion is a great thing, but when politics creeps into our convo, it always ends with my explaining the choices I made and her getting so upset with "people like me" and why the U.S. of A. is "not the great nation it once was" and is on its way to hell in a hand basket. We very often end up yelling. No Socratic Method for us!

My NICE act for today, though I had no idea I was going to do this, was to let her just vent her anger, for as long and as loud as she desired. I switched my POV to the idea that her anger was not aimed at me, but at her inability to "do" anything about what she sees as an awful situation. I did not defend, I listened. Neither agreed nor disagreed, just let her get it out. Adding an "uh-huh" now and again to prove I was still there and ended with the suggestion she might try to DO some small act(s) that will help her particular causes and that would especially help her disposition: "Light a candle, instead of cursing the darkness." Isn't it better to wake up with joy than with anger at the world?

Mom has a great computer but doesn't like to use it. I suggested she learn how to navigate the internet through the free classes offered at her community, and find ways to channel her anger into something positive. No one can do it for her. If she really is passionate, write letters, make calls, contribute money, attend meetings, support your candidates in a concrete way...in other works DO SOME SMALL THING. It will feel perhaps that little actions won't change the world, but that is how EVERYTHING STARTS.

Maybe my decision not to defend myself sounds "doormat-y", but after we hung up I felt BETTER than I have ever felt at the end of one of our political "debates" . Pretty calm and OK with not feeling like I HAD to be right, or proving why she was wrong in HER thinking. A wise person said to me recently: "You have to choose the hill you want to die on". And this was no longer that hill.

Perhaps this is more of a NICE thing I did for myself... Giving up that particular fight, because I felt so good surrendering...but I like to think I gave my mom something as well.