Day 6 -- Movie Treat

I love going to the movies. I used to go to over 100 a year, even more when I was a film student. This year? I've been to TWELVE! That's it. Twelve movies. Most of the movies released this year have not interested me much.

I love going to the movies by myself. It doesn't bother me one bit to go alone. In fact, I prefer it. No one to coordinate times with, no one late making me miss the previews, no discussion on where to sit, no one hating the movie and wanting to leave when the other people are enjoying it....you get the picture. But then again, if I see a movie that's wonderful, has moved me, or has made me angry and I really want to discuss it...there's no one to share with.

JULIE & JULIA came out a few weeks ago and I wanted to see it badly. But (shock!) I didn't want to see it alone. So yesterday I called up a half dozen friends to join me -- my treat -- at the matinee today. Three said "yes".

I got there early to buy the tickets because I really did want to treat and didn't want to take the chance someone would buy her ticket if she arrived before me. Everyone showed up on time and the theater wasn't crowded, so we had perfect seats. I got popcorn and Diet Coke for everyone too! I surprised myself that I treated three friends to the movies because I am admittedly cheap in that regard and will take someone if it's their birthday or if they're broke or some other reason than "just 'cause I want to!" But it was so worth it. The movie was delightful and we all enjoyed Meryl Streep's acting and Julia Child's passion for life and food. Some of us even teared up on a few scenes. We talked about the movie afterwards and it was NICE to share the experience.

Day 5 -- Just a Bite

Since I lost 25 pounds last year, one thing I don't do any more is eat desserts or sweets that I do not like. I am not going to give up chocolate forever, and on the plan I follow, I don't have to, just need to watch the portion size. So if I'm only going to get a small portion of something, it's gotta be good!

For instance, my sister-in-law returned from Switzerland and brought me a (very) small box of a special Swiss chocolate that can be purchased in only one shop in Zurich. I had one piece every day, which, as it turned out, was all I needed. I was amazed how that one daily piece melted slowly on my tongue and filled my mouth with such a delicious, delicate chocolate flavor. I didn't "need" more than that one piece (OK, once I had TWO pieces!) But I am someone who is used to the chocolate quality of Hershey's Kisses and M&Ms so I never before knew the difference between crummy chocolate and the gourmet stuff! Believe me, there's a BIG difference!

I was at a meeting yesterday and someone had made a very lovely-looking chocolate tart. She was proud that it was organic, vegan, gluten and sugar free, and had other really healthy components that I cannot recall. It looked gorgeously yummy--coated in melted dark chocolate which I love and is good for you, so I thought, "how bad could this be?" Pretty bad. Ugh. Ultra sweet and dense and very grainy for some reason and after one teeny-weeny bite I wanted to put it aside, and move quickly onto something good. But there it was on my plate, a deceitful little wedge of foul-tasting goodness and the lovely chef was standing right in front of me wanting to know what I thought.

I know from making my own cakes, cookies and muffins that I want people to eat my homemade treats and it makes me especially happy when told how much it was enjoyed; so I told the chocolate tart's creator that it was fantastic and wasn't she a genius for making something so sinfully delicious AND so darn healthy! She just beamed. And that made me feel good. So yes, I ate it...all of it...very, very, verrry slowly. And the dessert I really wanted...cheesecake....would have to wait for another night, when I wasn't being so damn NICE.

Day 4 -- The Kibble/Koupon Konnection

I was out of dry dog food so off I went to the pet store to get my designer dog kibble. Very healthy but kind of pricey so I ALWAYS bring along the store's monthly coupon for 20% discount. I'm mean and cheap, what can I say, but every little bit helps, right?

I used to go to the pet store once a month when I had two dogs, but now I have only one and she's a very light eater, so I don't make it to the dog store as often. When I do, I take my dog along on a "field trip" as she likes to peruse the many aisles, sniffing the dog treats and toys and meeting up with other doggies on the same mission.

As one of the employees brought the heavy bag to the cash register and I waited to pay, I overheard the conversation at the register next to mine. The (cute, male) customer said he had not received his August flyer with the 20% coupon, and he needed to buy kibble and would they just let him use last month's coupon? He wanted to buy the same kibble as me (so the coupon would be about a $12 savings), but the cashier said he had to present the current coupon for the discount... (never mind that this store always has coupons available!...sent in the mail with their monthly newsletter, as well as each week with the Sunday newspaper supplement...it wasn't like it was a once-a-year sale! Jeez!) Still, the cashier said "no", but suggested that the customer purchase the dog food at the regular price, bring back his receipt with a valid coupon, and they would refund the difference (This has happened to me before so I know what a hassle that would be.)

He was very nice to the cashier and said that he'd just come back when he got the coupon and today he'd buy the smallest bag to tide him over. But I had EXTRA coupons so I pulled one out of my purse and handed it to him. The look of happy surprise that came to his face was a real treat to see. He happily bought his big bag of (discounted) kibble and waved to me on the way out. My new BFF.

Day 3 -- Mommy and Me

My mother and I differ on political issues. She's in her 70s and very passionate about what she believes in. I think passion is a great thing, but when politics creeps into our convo, it always ends with my explaining the choices I made and her getting so upset with "people like me" and why the U.S. of A. is "not the great nation it once was" and is on its way to hell in a hand basket. We very often end up yelling. No Socratic Method for us!

My NICE act for today, though I had no idea I was going to do this, was to let her just vent her anger, for as long and as loud as she desired. I switched my POV to the idea that her anger was not aimed at me, but at her inability to "do" anything about what she sees as an awful situation. I did not defend, I listened. Neither agreed nor disagreed, just let her get it out. Adding an "uh-huh" now and again to prove I was still there and ended with the suggestion she might try to DO some small act(s) that will help her particular causes and that would especially help her disposition: "Light a candle, instead of cursing the darkness." Isn't it better to wake up with joy than with anger at the world?

Mom has a great computer but doesn't like to use it. I suggested she learn how to navigate the internet through the free classes offered at her community, and find ways to channel her anger into something positive. No one can do it for her. If she really is passionate, write letters, make calls, contribute money, attend meetings, support your candidates in a concrete way...in other works DO SOME SMALL THING. It will feel perhaps that little actions won't change the world, but that is how EVERYTHING STARTS.

Maybe my decision not to defend myself sounds "doormat-y", but after we hung up I felt BETTER than I have ever felt at the end of one of our political "debates" . Pretty calm and OK with not feeling like I HAD to be right, or proving why she was wrong in HER thinking. A wise person said to me recently: "You have to choose the hill you want to die on". And this was no longer that hill.

Perhaps this is more of a NICE thing I did for myself... Giving up that particular fight, because I felt so good surrendering...but I like to think I gave my mom something as well.

Day 2 -- Parking Pass

The movie theater I frequent allows for 3 hours of free parking. Since most movies are 2 hours, and this particular chain shows 20+ minutes of previews AND commercials; then adding in arrival, parking and walking to theatre and the return trip I need at least another 30 minutes, so I rarely get in "under the wire" for the free parking. (Sure, it's "only" $3 for an additional 3 hours, but I feel like it costs enough to see a movie and buy popcorn that I don't want to pay a penny more to park.)

There's a grocery store in this mall that will give you a pass for an additional hour of free parking if you make a purchase. I always need something at the market, so if I think am going to go over the 3 hour free parking limit, I shop for a few items and get a free additional hour pass. A few times I have received the free pass and wound up not needing it, so I just keep them in my wallet "for the next time".

I went to a matinee today and upon returning to the parking lot I realized I had only 8 minutes to exit. I hurried by the machine customers use to pre-pay parking when they are over the 3 hours and there was an older woman standing there with her parking ticket out, reading the instructions on the machine, looking very bewildered by all. I saw her catch my eye, but inside my brain I was thinking "hurry hurry to your car, you have only 8 minutes to exit! Hurry!" But when she asked if I knew how the machine worked. So I stopped and cheerfully took her parking ticket, put it into the machine and showed her that she was over the free period and would owe $3.00.

She thanked me as she got her wallet out, asking me where the money goes. So I thought this was my moment to be NICE today and I'd give her one of my free passes. I pulled one out of my wallet, slid it into the validation machine, saying "it's on me". (Actually, "it's on the grocery store" but know what I mean.) I don't know if she was rich or poor but she seemed so amazed someone would "treat" her to parking. Her face lit up and she was so happy and thanked me profusely. I said it was "my pleasure", skedaddled off to my car and exited the garage....with 2 minutes to spare.

Day 1 -- Handmade Card

Today was a friend's birthday. She didn't want gifts (who makes/takes that request seriously). What I think she meant was "no cheap gifts". Duh. At this point in our lives, we've all received our share of miscellaneous candles, bath soaps, vases to clutter up our closets for the rest of our lives.

Wow. Harsh. See how mean I can be? Why can't I just accept a gift in the spirit it was given? Be it a $3 candle or a $300 necklace (haven't received many of those BTW!) Certainly that's the way I'd want the recipient of my miscellaneous crappy gift to accept it (and believe me, I've given quite a few crappy gifts myself!)

I love crafting. Give me a glue gun and a tube of glitter and it's better than Christmas morning. I've loved to make gifts since I was a little girl hand sewing felt ornaments for the Christmas craft boutique at my school. I wasn't the most original designer, nor were my cutting and gluing too precise (I mean, they LOOKED handmade, by a 8 year old), but I loved doing it. And I think that love came through.

So out came my hot glue gun, ribbon scraps, pieces of patterned paper and press-on lettering. It took about 30 minutes to complete my creation and it turned out really nice. (The main feature of the card was a little 3-D embellishment of a birthday cake, the candles actually lit up when you pressed a small button (love technology!)) My friend actually loves handmade cards too, so I knew I was doing something NICE, suited for a particular person.

I gave it to her today. At a lunch party for 8. It was passed around and admired and when it came back to her she said "these are the kinds of gifts that mean the most to me. Ones that a person has spent time and thought in making." It felt as if I had gave her something shiny from Tiffany's! Of course, doing something NICE made me feel pretty dang good too. I know that's not why I am doing this....or is it? Hmm, got to think about that...

WHAT THE WHAT?

OK, I need to say it here, say it somewhere. Anonymously.

I am not a "nice" person. Not really, not deep, deep down in the marrow of my bones. No, I don't torture puppies or anything like that, it's just sort of a creeping malady, tacked on to the low-grade depression I've had all my life. I use complaining as conversation, and think it hip to describe the world as going to hell in a hand basket. Not only do I see the glass as half-empty, but it's left a large water ring on the table. Pleased to meet ya!

People will say that I am a nice person, generous of spirit, you might too if you met me. But it's really about how I think and I decided to do something about it. See if I can change some of those old brain patterns.

I'm calling my experiment "Thirty Days of Nice" (Not 30 days of Nice, as in France, though it would sure would be nice to be in Nice for 30 days). Every day I will do something, anonymously, for someone. Something small (maybe something big, who knows), but definitely something "nice". To see if with some daily conditioning, I might be able to morph into that naturally nice person people assume I am. So here goes. Who's with me?